Group Hug

LM,
I miss you. These past two days have made me realize how much I really loved you. I can’t go back to you just yet because I am simply not ready…. you’ll never understand that and it’s okay, I suppose. If I go back to you, it will be just like before and I will hurt you all over again. Go out with K for a bit, you told me she was really nice. If she makes you happy, then I am happy for you. Yes, I will bitch about it and stomp my feet like a child and I will say mean things. I am really confused why when we were together you’d make fun of her but now after 5 or so months of us being broken up, you speak about her in a different light. BUT, again, I am going to be a bitch about it and say things like that, because when it comes to you, I will always be jealous. I want to be your girl, I want to be your pb, but I can’t right now. LM, I love you. I love your smile when you get excited, I love how you try to tell me stories and I already know them and their details like the back of my hand. I love that when I am with you I feel so comfortable. The problem, I can’t ever be happy with whats just given to me,, I am always seeking, never truly observing. You’re the opposite you observe and cherish. I also can’t accept one thing about you and I can’t change it and nor can you. Someday I may tell you, you already know it, but you didn’t know it was a breaking point for me. It sucks, a lot. I wish I was more like you daily. If I wasn’t atheist, I’d pray to be more like you but instead I accept I probably should start trying though. We will see what’s good in a bit. Please stay who you are and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. And, yes, I think you may be settling a bit and I know I am too… but again, I may just be jealous. I love you forever, forever always. Even now that I am not yours, I still love you the same amount. I care ever so deeply for you.
Love you, PB
ps, i’m awake because a cricket won’t shut the fuck up in my room. very annoying. i wish i was sleeping in your marshmallow bed, with our butts touching and our puppy in his bed next to ours. but i am here, in a state I hate, living with three dudes that live like frat brothers. it’s awesommee…