Fuck My Life
- Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and ...
- Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML
- Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom abo...
- Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M&M's for a Valentine's...
- Today, I was dumped. My boyfriend was too afraid to break up with me, so he sent the girl he cheated...
- Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job ...
- Today, I was called an 'unhelpful little bitch' by a customer, after I informed her that we couldn't...
- Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out ...
- Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he wa...
- Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insi...
- Today, I went to my first party, hoping to maybe meet some people. I was there for 4 hours, and the ...
- Today, I put my boyfriend's tshirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then s...
- Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML
- Today, my downstairs neighbor died. I knew because the smell wafted up to my apartment. FML.
- Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered a...
- Today, I found out that the only thing worse than a psycho, overbearing, controlling girlfriend is a...
- Today, I checked over the pictures on my nightcam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen ...
- Today, a train hit me. A slow minitrain full of kindergartners who were on a tour of the museum I wa...
- Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shi...
- Today, while on the bus, I watched a homeless man pop a pimple on his arm and eat it. FML
- Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little...
- Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I...
- Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The ...
- Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the ...
- Today, my fianc has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, a...
- Today, some guy hit my car and then threatened to sue me for parking my car in such a way that it wa...
- Today, I texted my wife saying I miss you so much. I wish you were her. I'm on a business trip. I co...
- Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says Walk Earless now instead of Walk Fe...
- Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night be...
- Today, I learned that my cash back rewards for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly sta...
- Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more ini...
- Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him ...
- Today, I tried to inconspicuously hock a loogie. It went down my bra. FML
- Today, I got an early Valentine's day card. My boyfriend and I recently broke up, and my hopes shot ...
- Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the mid...
- Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me tol...
- Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act li...
- Today, I realised my girlfriend only has sex with me to make me exercise. FML
- Today, I read some funny scribbelings on wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to Like i...
- Today, I received a single, handmade valentines card from the weirdest kid in the school. It said, I...
- Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML
- Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a useless, ungrateful piece of crap, all because I wouldn'...
- Today, I had to go to an extended family baseball game. At one point during the game, my grandpa hal...
- Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if...
- Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my ...
- Today, trying to pocket a little extra cash for himself, my dad responded to multiple babysitting ad...
- Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML
- Today, I went tanning. When I got home, I realized I'd left my engagement ring next to the tanning b...
- Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I mowed my lawn. Not knowing this was a vaguely ...
- Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking...
