Fuck My Life
- Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. H...
- Today, I dropped my physics class because I thought I bombed the 50 second midterm test. I got my re...
- Today, I got fired from my job as a postman, which I started yesterday. They fired me because I fail...
- Today, I found out that my mom is not only reading my mail, but she is also withholding letters from...
- Today, while at the mall with my boyfriend, I suddenly fell to the floor screaming because something...
- Today, I finally jumped high enough to dunk on the ten foot rim. I caught my tooth on the net and pr...
- Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing ne...
- Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciatedlook...
- Today, I left my car in a disreputable area. After picking it up later on, I heard a strange clonkin...
- Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML
- Today, I have to spend over an hour at a Gamestop so my boyfriend can get his 'Final Fantasy' game a...
- Today, I ran into my manipulative exboyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the ...
- Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for this sleeping hobo. Three stops later, ...
- Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulls away, and goes, 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then con...
- Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first t...
- Today, my boyfriend of 3 years left me because apparently I'm too beautiful and he can no longer han...
- Today, I found the purity ring I lost a year ago. Too bad I lost my virginity 4 months ago. FML
- Today, I posted a pic of my prom dress on facebook. The dress looked amazing on me and it just felt ...
- Today, I returned home from a 2day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the ...
- Today, I was invited by my boyfriend's parents for dinner at their house. The dinner went well I tho...
- Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting r...
- Today, I showed my fianc the darling Tinkerbell hoodie I'd bought myself during the weekend. Instead...
- Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sl...
- Today, my science class had a substitute teacher. When she started doing roll call and called out my...
- Today, I moved into my aunt's house. She had a little too much fun in the sixties and now tells ever...
- Today, I have a rash all over my face because yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, I...
- Today, I started my spring break. My college is letting the students stay in the dorms for break, s...
- Today, my mother in law grounded me because I went to the store in the dangerous rain. My husband sa...
- Today, I was supposed to talk to my girlfriend's mom to ask permission to date her daughter but I ch...
- Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he...
- Today, while playing poker, I lost a stack of money to somebody with the screen name Poopface. FML
- Today, I learned that you don't put your diamond earrings on over your bathroom sink. FML
- Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began s...
- Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get ...
- Today, my boyfriend said we should reinact a porn episode he saw. I jokingly said yes. He had an out...
- Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying Uncle, Uncle! He thought it...
- Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother who thinks I'm a hypo...
- Today, I was listening to a client's heartbeat with a stethoscope, when I noticed one of my hairs ha...
- Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat ...
- Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up be...
- Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, May 2...
- Today, my looks alone made a girl cry. FML
- Today, I found out my exboyfriend is getting engaged. He broke up with me five months ago because ou...
- Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the b...
- Today, my friends thought it would be funny to prank me with a fake winning lottery ticket. They dec...
- Today, my fiance picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathr...
- Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask ...
- Today, the guy that I have been seeing for over a year left on a business trip. While straightening ...
- Today, I found out how mature the guy I'm seeing is. After sex, he took the condom off and hit me in...
- Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit ...
