http://www.fthis.org Feed for: My Drunk Txts 864 sent Is it bad that I asked the state trooper that pulled me over for his number recieved LMAO!!! Did you get a ticket sent No just a warrning with his number on the back!!! http://www.fthis.org/story/30908 803 Got a fraud alert from my bank this morning because my tab so high last night http://www.fthis.org/story/30907 405 So the dentist told me I'd gag on the x ray thing when she put it in my mouth. When I didn't she said, "oh, I forgot you're in college now"...all i could think was, I could do that in high school too http://www.fthis.org/story/30906 0627 I love how when you orgasm you sound like chewbacca making a mating call. http://www.fthis.org/story/30905 516 its like they know people are going to see these movies high so they make them in 3D http://www.fthis.org/story/30904 760 After shaving my balls, i realized i still have a small dick... http://www.fthis.org/story/30903 512 she believed me when i told her we didnt allow pants in our apartment. i dont care if shes an idiot im in love http://www.fthis.org/story/30902 301 he fingered me and it was good until he gave me a wet Willy with that same finger. http://www.fthis.org/story/30901 713 you told the guy at the drive through you were getting ready for spring break so you asked for a mini mac becuase a big mac had too many calories http://www.fthis.org/story/30687 785 I Love you. so wat if you played me for a fool, cheated on me..ignored me for days, fucked me and then told everyone you didnt wanna be with me and you regret it. So what if you called me fat, broke me into pieces, and then dated my "bestfriend." who cares if you pretended you wanted to try again and came over to my house to "talk" and ended up fucking MY MOM on my fathers pool table So what I love you. http://www.fthis.org/story/30686 516 His drunken night ended with a car accident which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://www.fthis.org/story/30685 440 Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://www.fthis.org/story/30684 704 she said, and i quote, i want to black out with my rack out http://www.fthis.org/story/30683 409 Can't move to Texas, I'm not legally female there. http://www.fthis.org/story/30682 714 Yeah, so, after we had sex, I was playing with his penis. We had music playing and I was making the hole talk. I blurted out We should draw some eyes on this and make a music video! unnecisarily loud. He looked at me funny and I almost fell off the bed laughing. http://www.fthis.org/story/30681