http://www.fthis.org Feed for: Fuck My Life Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31387 Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31386 Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for hot coffee and dessert. Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31385 Today, I woke up because I really had to pee. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and went back to bed. Or so I thought. I did pee, but I only dreamed that I got out of bed. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31328 Today, I discovered my water bottle had leaked and spilled water all over my backpack, ruining my notebooks, soaking my schoolbooks, and destroying my midterm portfolio. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31327 Today, my mum decided to teach me a lesson about carelessly leaving my wallet about. She left it on the floor so our puppy could use it and its contents as a chew toy. I was almost impressed to discover that he can eat three 20 notes and still have room for debit cards. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31326 Today, I came home and noticed that sometime while I was at school, someone cut off half of my ponytail. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31325 Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31324 Today, I met my boyfriend's extended family. His grandpa was apparently senile, as he kept calling me Tilly and asking me to dance. His relatives thought this hilarious and busted out the video camera. Later, I learned his grandpa is not senile at all the family was playing a joke on me. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31275 Today, I found out what people really think about the beard I've been proudly growing for over a month. It appears that my face now looks like an unshaven ballsack. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31274 Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, I love seeing you cry. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31273 Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted and she sticks the landing. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31224 Today, my parents took my laptop, cut the Internet, took my car keys, the tv and removed my bedroom door. Why Because they thought the plant I was growing for my science project was a marijuana plant. Oh yeah and they took that too. My presentation is tomorrow. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31223 Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was Pay attention. You might learn something. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31222 Today, my boyfriend dumped me because apparently I don't appreciate how he's different from other guys. I only told him that showering once a month was not normal. FML http://www.fthis.org/story/31221